an open letter to my office computer

dear computer,

just so you know, there is a third floor window conveniently located right behind me. it would be in your best interest to stop tempting me to make use of it. and just so we're clear on this, it wouldn't be me experiencing the pull of unopposed gravity.

-me

...

to the old guy who snidely said "wrong side!" as i was going up the stairs at euston square:

sir, i assume you were speaking to me. as such, let me point out, just in case you're blind as well as mentally challenged, that there was a large herd of people going down the stairs on THEIR right, utilizing that entire side of the stairs. i thus had no choice but to use the stairs on MY right. while you are rather tubby, you do not genuinely need an entire side of the stairs to yourself. rest assured, if you were that large, i would have been quite happy to allow you the whole stairway. kindly remove the stick from your sizeable arse and use it to deflate your overblown sense of self-importance.

love,
the (little) girl who was not even close to obstructing your progress down the stairs